There are many ways that the relationship can end.

But, in the spirit of generalizing, I think a common trait is a lack of closure.

The relationship may just abruptly end, coldly. You may be completely blindsided because the person with BPD may have pushed you to escalate the relationship literally the day before. You had thought this meant you were both on the same page because you decided to take the next step in the relationship, only to find you sadly were mistaken. Silly you for wanting an explanation, or even a civil conversation.

The relationship may end with infidelity. It’s very common for someone with BPD to fall in love with someone else on a whim, just like they had originally fallen in love with you. You may have your heartbroken, but in all honesty, you should count yourself among the lucky if this is the result because you may never become a target of blame.

The relationship may not really end. You’re left hanging in the weird world of quasi-relationship. You’re still having sex, providing emotional support, and doing whatever the hell you used to do in the relationship except in more toxic circumstances.

The relationship may end with false allegations that either deprive you of your social network or your freedom. This is particularly likely if your BPD ex treated you badly throughout the relationship because they will need to justify their abusive behavior toward you to themselves. This is also likely if you’re the first person your BPD ex told about a complex trauma history they feel shame over. Somehow the trauma becomes more real once it’s shared and now their previous methods of denial no longer work because it’s known. When the relationship disintegrates, they project all of the shame onto you because it’s easier than dealing with what lies at the root of the shame and it’s your fault their denial mechanism doesn’t work anymore.

Unfortunately, there are also cases where the relationship never actually ends. Examples of this are sharing a child with someone with BPD or having a child with BPD. I don’t have experience with this personally, but I imagine it has the most potential to be the most painful of all. Of course, it’s all a matter of severity. But if you’re dealing with a severely disordered individual with no moral compass, this situation seems to me to be a uniquely cruel form of torture.

Whatever closure you find at the end of one of these relationships is a solitary affair entirely.

Do not expect anything from them whatsoever.

This is my opinion, I am not a therapist;

Unfortunately it does not end in a good way for you (I’ve assumed you are the non BPD), it is YOU who will go through hell and be left with long lasting and possibly irreparable damage

Unless the BPD recognises their condition and accepts and undertakes ongoing therapy (I’m sure some do) it’s highly unlikely there will be a comfortable ending for you. The BPD however will inhabit another personality as their coping mechanism and move onto their next unsuspecting victim, you do not have that option - you are who you are. Prepare yourself and have as much support around you as possible

Any BPD who knows they have this condition (and most of them do) has a moral duty to be upfront about it before entering into a relationship, at least then you can make an informed decision and understand what you are getting yourself into

I recall a BPD saying “I’m still me” and to this day I have never fathomed who “me” was

I know this answer generalises BPD’s, I apologise to all those out there that suffer and try to manage their condition as best they can but it is my opinion the real devastation is sadly, experienced by the non BPD

I have bpd and all my relationship always ends the same way. I’m going through hate and love phases being obsessed with person all the time, after some time im exhausted but because i don’t want to be left, I still keep talking to them 24/7. one day i become toxic because of everything i feel, I don’t want to feel that bad anymore, I can’t work or have hobbies because all my world is this person. this person tries to understand me, but Im too paranoid to tell about my feeling and one day i become more toxic and they lost touch. and actually when they go away, i feel better. im sad they left me but comparing to these emotions it feels okay.

From person’s side it might be painful to see that i don’t believe them and they try their best to make me believe that everything is okay and they still love me, but it’s hard to be in love with that mentality ill person. It’s nothing you can say to make me think otherwise because my inner voice is always screaming.

Rarely very well.

For me, it ended when I finally realized a lot of things about her and the person she is.

I realized the whole thing was destroying me from the inside.

I realized I’d been throwing my love, friendship, attention, time, energy, and well-meaning efforts to help and support her into a black, bottomless hole.

I realized I was worth so much more, and that compromising my very human worth isn’t worth anyone who’s effectively dragging me down with them.

I realized she’d been manipulating me by shaming me into giving her the benefit of the doubt month after month, year after year.

And from what I’ve learned since then, a lot of relationships with pwBPD seem to end in a somewhat similar fashion: Eventually, you realize that you don’t have to take their destructive shit; that you can just leave, and that pretty much anything is better than getting contaminated by a disturbed person’s toxicity.

Also, however the ending plays out, it probably involves them getting really mad and accusing you of a lot of things. Like they do.

If anyone reading this is in a relationship with someone who has BPD or is showing signs of it, get out. I am NOT kidding.

These people are destructive and unpredictable. They have little to no control over themselves; they WILL manipulate you, and they WILL hurt you. And the most probable best-case scenario is, they will NOT change until they FEEL the consequences of their psychotic behavior. I.e., until you leave them.

Get out, and don’t look back.

I will answer this question eventually, but first I want to say something about the way some people answer questions like this.

All mental health issues are complex. Generally speaking, you can associate them with common characteristics, but behind any disorder is a real person who is as individual as you and me.

Apparently, I’m a “fixer”. It’s a condition I apparently inherited as a result of neglect at the hands of my mother. I have 2 older sisters and my parents have been married 60+ years never separated. We traveled regularly as a family and my parents encouraged, supported, trusted and rewarded us as any good parents would. So either I’m unique or the popular diagnosis of a co-dependent is no longer accurate… even though it may be in many cases?

I know people with schizophrenia, some with ADHD, some bipolar, others with anxiety or depression and a common fact is if and when they are medicated they experience psychological side effects that often outweigh the advantages and they stop using them. When someone is unstable they don’t know it, so convincing them to seek help or to medicate themselves is next to impossible. Their actions may be socially unacceptable, but they are not intentional, they are trying to protect themselves.

My ex would have many short relations she knew were doomed from the start, but sometimes she’d meet someone she had genuine feelings for. It still ended dramatically because genuine feelings were what she feared the most. In her time there will be very few who have some degree of success romantically or emotionally, but those times will be important to her and those involved. We were friends 10 years and I can tell you she was the best kind of friend you could hope for. She had many “social” friends but usually only one “confident” friend who she really opened up to and trusted. If we were doomed, it took 25 years to reach the end but there were many years of cherished memories I’m grateful for, and I know no one else has come close to the time we’ve had together. Don’t try and tell me I never knew her at all and we never had a relationship…

BL traits may be socially unacceptable, but they’re never intentionally malicious. They are not bad people, but their condition can affect others detrimentally. Schizophrenia can lead to violence but it doesn’t mean all schizophrenics are violent.

Some answers can be so blunt, narrow-minded, and even hurtful. If you can’t be tactful or open-minded, don’t answer sensitive questions. For someone to say “a relationship with a BL is not a relationship at all” is a prime example of ignorance or resentment. Even if it were true, what does that do for a BLs esteem or self-worth, or a partner of BPD? So blunt and universal. Really ignorant and unprofessional.

I can understand some who had relations with a BL feel anger and resentment, but it isn’t warranted. You just have to accept what happened and try to move on. Even though it can be next to impossible, I thought it would still be human nature to want to assist someone you cared about, no matter how misguided you may be? How is a demographic supposed to feel if the general consensus regarding any kind of interaction with them is to avoid at any cost? The fact many psychs refuse to treat BLs says a lot about the lack of real understanding of the condition. I’m not criticizing the lack of knowledge rather the lack of will to learn. A true professional would know how to deal with possible litigation or whatever other reasons they are widely seen as untreatable. That is a stick in the wheel of progress.

Why can’t people say “if a BL is unmedicated or not receiving treatment and an episode is triggered, a relationship will suffer and eventually fail”? If a relationship lasts 2 years then fails, is it a failed relationship? My longest stretch with my ex was 3 years and 2 years of dysfunction but the 3 years healthy were worth the while. Relationships and marriages end for an infinite number of reasons in days, weeks, months and years, but more often than not there were times that made it worthwhile.

In my experience, it always ended unjustly, dramatically and painfully.

The semi short answer:

Either the pwBPD wants to get engaged after about 6 weeks of dating and you think you've met your soulmate and decide it's worth it and you “save” them and accept their mental illness and marry them, or

They suddenly ghost away which leads to confusion and pain and you are drowning in anquish, or

Even though you love them very much & would do anything for them you realize that they need to work on themselves and perhaps you need to work on yourself. But you are walking on eggshells so you try to break things off without being despised.

All relationships end in a similar fashion…..someone leaves and usually, the pain is felt greatest by the partner left behind. In “normal” post relationship scenarios there may be animosity and hurt to various degrees but grieving ensues until we are ready to move on. There isn't usually the intention to destroy the once significant other by any means necessary. This is where BPD relationships differ. They do not end abruptly as Laura says because the core belief of abandonment that a BPD holds is triggered to devastating effect, despite the fact that it was probably their relationship and partner sabotage that brought things to a head. The non BPD has to be very careful in the aftermath. Protecting ones whereabouts is important, as is safeguarding all potential ways for your life to be compromised. Change passwords and phone numbers, close social media and protect your banking. Tell friends and family (only those you can trust implicitly) what has happened because the BPD will explore every avenue to get to you and cause you damage and no amount of collateral damage will cause them any concern. Be completely no contact and understand that what you weren't able to remove at the moment you left is a blackmail opportunity. So be prepared to sacrifice possessions when it ends. You may lose friends too because the smear campaign unleashed against you will be convincing and brutal. If there has been police or other authority involvement during the relationship, let them know. The BPD will not think twice about making false accusations against you. Soon the BPD will latch onto someone else, and then another and so on, and their focus on you will diminish as they become consumed by a new relationship and its sabotage. Move if you have to and consider therapy for possible symptoms of PTSD. It will take time to recover but you will emerge stronger and you will know who your friends are. Get back out there and be yourself again knowing that your days of eggshell walking are behind you.

It does not end well, in most cases very dramatic. My ex bpd accused me of cheating on her all because i kept on complaining our lack of spending time is straining our relationship. Instead of trying to make more time to spend together, she began accusing me more of cheating simply because i started working out and changed my hairstyle. In fact, the reason why i was working out was to add spice to our sex life. Everything came to head when she claimed she found out through someone else i was cheating on her. She claims whoever told her would not lie. I had enough at that point especially when she refused to tell me her source of accusation. So i left it at that and said i really do not care if she believes me or not. She got more fustrated because she assumed i would reach out to her to convince her im not cheating. But i did not, and then she revealed her source. I said the person was lying, and then she believed me. So we got back together which was a little wierd because i know if someone cheated on me, i would never get back with them. In any case though, she still would not make an effort to spend time. I then told her this is unacceptable. But that was not the end because i finally confronted her source of accusation, and he denied ever telling her i cheated on her. I then confronted her, and she said he is lying and he said what he said. Then my response was i thought you said he has no reason to lie about anything. That is when i dumped her for good, and for once in my life i feel so liberated. I still have a bitterness toward her that may never go away. I know she will most likely delude herself to believe i dumped her because im witg someone else. Though that isnt true, i have no issue her thinking that, for let her suffer the way she made me suffer. In fact, i know i have a bitterness that i will always have to the day i die. She can go to hell for all i care.

Before the end, there will probably be a lot of shouting, accusing, the sky will darken, the full moon will rise.

Pure madness.

The howling of empty promises into the night.

Crazy whispering, two naked bodies, in spasms, hot lips and salty tears. More screaming.

Hair pulling. Banging head against the wall.

Just a little more, just a little more sweetheart and it's all over.

Two naked, sweaty bodies glistening in the moonlight.

Whispers, whispers, whispers…

And then just a deafening silence.

There is nothing left.

And we will never meet again.

Never.